High school was a very difficult time in my life. I was always bullied or threatened by the people that I considered my friends. I was skinny and viewed as an easy target. And I wouldn’t retaliate when anything happened to me because I was skinny and honestly never even thought that I could do anything to protect myself.
Senior year alone I was physically assaulted twice, with one assault ending with the aggressor getting a felony. This pretty much shattered any confidence I had left. I was taken out of a majority of my classes and spent most of my time in the Library in order to do my work. I was basically segregated from the rest of my class.
Throughout all of this, I never considered suicide or self harm. A close family member had self harmed and I saw how it affected the rest of the family; I knew I didn’t want to put my family through that. What I did do, however, was isolate myself from everyone. I grew extremely introverted as a coping mechanism. I would spend time by myself at school and during lunch. When I would get home from school I would just go straight to my room and spend the rest of my day there. My appetite dropped along with more confidence, so I wouldn’t eat and making myself even skinnier.
A Fresh Start
This cycle thankfully only lasted until a little after graduation. Not having to see those people again allowed me to fully think over the whole situation and plan what I wanted to do in the future. It was during this planning that I knew I wanted to make some life choices. I didn’t want to ever be put in the situations I had to go through during my time in school. I wanted to be BIG.
Obviously in hindsight this wasn’t the healthiest mindset to be in, but I was desperate. So I slowly started a workout routine. And another one. And another one. I did this until I managed to find the right one for me. I started eating better during this, slowly regaining the weight that I had lost and increasing strength at the same time.
I’ve been working out for the 2+ years since then, slowly making progress year after year. Since then, my confidence has skyrocketed, and I’ve made many friends during the 2 years that I’ve been at DACC. I’ve also been eating healthier and making smarter life decisions.
A comparison of when I started to now
What to Take From my Story
If I could go back in time I would tell myself that everything was gonna be alright. The biggest thing that I want you to take from my story is that no matter how bad something gets in your life, you will make it through and you will overcome. You can’t admit defeat, you must cope and you must persevere.
Do anything you need to do in order to make it through and keep going, even though I would advise it be something that is legal. Find people to talk to about what you’ve been through. Never try to make it through something without some sort of support network. In the end you will be a stronger person, and that’s what matters.
Thanks for sharing, Chris! I can empathize with you about the high school experience. I was one of the "nerds" who was consistently ignored and/or belittled by the "hip" crowd. That isn't to say they were all nasty- some of the trendy kids are my friends to this day- but there was always the sense that I was on the outside looking in. This came to a head the day I was taking an AP exam and was called out of it to be confronted by an asshole assistant principal, who declared that I had on offensive smell and needed to do something about it. WTF? That destroyed what little self esteem I had.
ReplyDeleteSo thank you for sharing. It helps me deal with my own issues as well.
Thanks for being so open Chris. Same thing with me. I was always in my own little shell and wanted to fit in but the moment I realized I'm better off being myself and bettering myself is when everything seemed to fall in place.
ReplyDeleteI liked the part where you said you wish you could go back and tell your younger self it was going to be okay. It is so true; I often say the same. I guess we can tell ourselves that now right? When we go through hard times we can think about how the future us wants to tell us it's going to be okay.
ReplyDeleteHey I really liked your blog, you got really into detail and made me kind of want to re think mine. You definitely got into detail and talked about some real personal things. I give you props for opening up like this. Your first blog post gave me some realization and is overall just a great blog. At least you're getting out of your shell now. Keep going ! Your progress looks great. I love your positivity.
ReplyDeleteWow! What an amazing thing to share! You should be very proud of your story! Keep up the good work!
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